JistBlog

1st Day...

2010-03-01T03:54:00.000-08:00

It feels like the first day of the first spring today! Wonderful North Wales weather. A light breeze. Warm, clean air. The promise of summer sunshine to come.

February was a fascinating month for me! Dwarfy and I headed off to Fuerteventura and Lanzarote for some much needed winter sun. It was miraculous in its effect. Re-energized, we started on some new projects strightaway, on arriving back in a freezing UK.

The rest of the month has been immersed in beautiful music, and the spinning of both poi, and yarns....! We've been learning.....!

2010...

2010-01-25T06:23:00.000-08:00

Well, I've seen the back of 2009! A pretty nasty year, if I have to judge. I'm glad to see it gone!

I haven't spent any real time in-front of a computer-screen for several weeks, which gave me time for reflection, and thought for the new year- a precious breathing-space...!

No new-year resolutions though. Just my ongoing commitment to improve my physical and mental health, and to carry on with my practice, to harm none, and to evolve.

The new year has begun with a bang! Dramatic weather (truly beautiful mountain scenes, here in Psnowdonia!), which I've really enjoyed, and some renewed confidence. It has been wonderful to be out playing some great music with my friends Stef, and Chris. I thank them both greatly for the opportunity, and look forward to more of the same. A return to days gone by, in a way. Although, it has an air of freshness that is both surprising and welcome! That's not to say that 2010 hasn't kicked off with a few problems, but I enter it with a great deal of insight, and maybe even a little wisdom.

So, 2010 looks like it may bring some welcome balance to quite a few folks in these parts, and I'm loving it!

PLUR.

2009-11-11T05:48:00.000-08:00

Spent quite a while gazing at the brilliant display of Autumnal colours across Llyn Padarn, to the Allt Wen woods this morning.
I tend to rise at around 8am, and today began cloudless and still. The low, early-winter sun in this part of the world always inspires. It's a shame we have to pay for it with all those dark, wet days to come though.
Anyway, I cut my morning meditation short today to get out into the sunshine, only to be "time-bandited", with my attention diverted to friendly chatter in the local cafe. Still.... good mornings are becoming the norm, so no time was wasted.
Good to have my life back...........

PLUR.

2009-11-10T09:35:00.000-08:00

Sat 7th had me helping out with my good friend Miranda's birthday party, which really coincided with a house-warming of sorts!
Anyway, once again we set about creating our own little trance wonderland. Blacklights & backdrops were positioned, the sound system rigged, and delicious food prepared. Apparently, there were around two dozen invites issued. It's only a small end-terrace quarryman's cottage, with little room for more than fifteen.
Anyway, it was a lovely night. Great tunes. Great company. Almost echoing our halloween party from the previous weekend. I felt sorry for our hosts though, as quite a few of the folks who swore they'd be there, just didn't show up! In fact there were a few who seem to delight in these kinds of broken promises. It's sad, as they are missing all the fun in the process!

It'll be interesting if the trend continues. We'll certainly be keeping up the vibe regardless of any pathetic excuses, and hidden agendas!

PLUR.

Halloween, and other stories...

2009-11-04T06:04:00.000-08:00

Well, overall this October was remarkably stress-free. This was mostly down to the fact that I was taking a break from organising our usual large Samhain party. This year, the CidFloss crew decided to opt for a small-scale PsyTrance do at our favourite local pub! Strange idea- great night out! It's amazing how wonderful you can feel when you find yourself in the company of some truly lovely individuals, all entrained to a beautiful vibe! I'll never cease to be amazed by the power of such a scene, and I thank all who ventured out to y Fricsan for a dance! There will be more.....

PLUR.

2009-10-17T09:40:00.000-07:00

Another week elapses, and I'm still here!
It seems that everyone here in Llanberis is down with the cold. As I wander down the high street, I'm met with a barrage of sneezes! Think I've kind of had this wee bug already. Several days of anticipation followed by 48 hours of fever, and nasal drama! Then.... gone!
Apart from that, I've been sucking the last life out of some wonderful weather! Wall to wall blue skies, and the opportunity to top up that Vit D again. Makes me so glad to live here, and not in the city. The Allt Wen woods (or the "Broccoli" as it's known in certain circles!) is transforming into an explosion of colour. I love the Autumn, and in the early evening sunlight, this is paradise!
It's a case of making the most of it, before the winter sets in. I admit to not relishing that! There's some hard work ahead, and I think, a lot of time to be spent in contemplation.

PLUR.

Normali......................tea?

2009-10-10T10:02:00.000-07:00

Beginning to get used to this health business. It really is strange to be free of pharmaceutical influences: oddly light; no headaches; no more dizziness. How did I put up with all that stuff for so long? I won't go into any detail on the other side-effects...!
Anyway, it's even more strange to be doing all the stuff that I just have'nt had any motivation to do, over the last few years. I'm digging into my CD collection again, riding my bike, and even tickling ions in the sky.....! And the clarity of thought.........!
I've been back in the studio too! My current projects are taking new directions though. Much more of an ambient/experimental vibe, even in the dub. Meditation's much stronger suddenly too!
So.......... kettles boiling, and I'll be satisfying my new-found taste for organic green tea.......!

PLUR.

2009-10-07T03:24:00.000-07:00

My "illness" of the last few years has finally come clean. It has made itself truly known. "It" has deceived me all along. It disguised itself as "the unkindness of others", as "the consequences of substance-abuse", as "a natural chemical imbalance", and simply as "a cruel world"!

I am thankful, now, for it all! I sit here, un-medicated, symptom-free, and with an, admittedly odd, half-smile!
I get it now! I understand! I know how it works!
Of course, I still have to deal with the regrets. I lost some great friends during this time. I made some unfair assumptions. I had unreasonable expectations. I managed to get myself ostracized from a "community" that I love. I failed to make myself understood. In fact, I failed in so many ways, as a Human Being! I need to apologise to so many people......!
So, the half-smile, eh?
Well, it took some 2,600 year-old lessons in psychology, and some long-forgotten knowledge to help me through. I,ve finally removed all the government-sanctioned poison from my system too. That was the hardest part of my recovery. Prescription drugs, and anti-depressants in particular served as a brief tool (a few weeks at best!) to fight my problems, but proved in the end to be worse, in many ways, than the condition they were sent to treat! Over 2 years of this "medication", and now I'm free of it! No more horrific side-effects! No more dependance! Never again!

Back soon...... honest, gov! ;)

PLUR.

?

2009-10-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

At last (?), I feel ready to add to my blog, after so much time has passed, and so much has happened.
Since I was last 'here', events have taken place that have shaken me to the very core!
In April of this year, my father-in-law, and very dear friend, David, passed away. He had been battling with cancer for several years, and died in Antrim Area Hospital early in the month. I was at his bedside, with his immediate family, at the time of his passing. A truly devastating moment.
At this point, I must say that my subsequent grief has been predominently concerned with that of my wife and best friend, "DL". To see her suffer in this way has been immensely difficult for me. In fact, to witness the reactions of all the family to this loss has threatened me in a number of ways. My loss, has been easily dealt with. Now, I know that might sound a little heartless, but I have had the benefit of a few years of rigid contemplation on the nature of physical death, and my subsequent understanding has helped me greatly in getting through the last 6 months without 'relapse'..........!
I have, of course, shed more than a few tears. The FACT, however, that the energy that was David has simply taken on a new from, has given me succour. My greatest difficulty has been making this fact obvious to those closest to me, amid the horror of their loss. When we visit Northern Ireland to spend time with family, I rarely go to the grave. Others do so religiously, and I struggle to understand why. A shrine to physical remains seems to make no sense to me. David is, of course, "everywhere" now... I "see" him in every flower, every cloud, every footstep that I take, and I can smile with each of these encounters. I gaze into DL's eyes sometimes, and feel guilty....
The feelings of loss that DL still clings to are still destructive now. They prevent her from enjoying her life whenever they can. This suffering is now my great enemy.
Time has had its effect, and the nature of her grief is slowly changing. You don't ever fully get over a loss like her's. You just adapt to it. I only wish I could do more to help...

The months after David's death coincided with my withdrawal from Venlafaxine. This has made 2009 the most difficult year I've yet to experience (out of 43, so there MAY be more to come!).
The time came when I had to put all that I've learned into practice.

Ouch!

2009-02-14T05:47:00.000-08:00

The wyrdness continues unabated... I suppose.
My trip to "the old country" was interesting, to say the least! The wedding that we were there to attend was a delight in many ways. A beautiful young couple declaring their love for one another, always a great life-affirming experience for guests. I was a little unsettled to be greeted with some odd looks, as I arrived as well-dressed as I ever get, but still managing to stick out like a sore thumb by not wearing (or for that matter, owning) a suit and neck-tie. There I was in my herring-bone blazer, cheesecloth shirt, and mala. The hippy element to offset the mass of immaculate, materialist looks that I now assume are the sartorial norm at such occasions. Thankfully, after a few drinks, I appeared a wee bit more normal to the rest of the guests, and I guess it was around that time that they realised that I was essentially a nice person, and not some suspicious 60's-throwback troublemaker.
So, I survived the wedding. For '09, that translates to 1 down, 3 to go! I'm now looking forward to the other matrimonial events much more, in the light of this small victory.
The rest of the trip was fine, with lots of time spent visiting various relatives, and enjoying a very typical 'catch-up'.
However, somehow a balance had to be struck, and I, sadly, became embroiled in an ethical debate with a few folks which spiralled down into a full psychotic episode. Shattered by radical disappointment in a developed view of my sister/brother-in-law with regard to recent world events, I allowed myself to be overtaken by an automatic emotional reaction. This resulted in the destruction of various parts of my sister's home, and an altercation with a plate-glass window which left me with 16 stitches in my left arm. I now have no idea where this leaves my relationship with this corner of my family. I have been absorbed entirely with thoughts of this episode since my return to North Wales. It's clear that I have much hard work to do...!

0809, vol.II...

2009-01-10T05:56:00.000-08:00

With winter hurtling towards me, I could have been facing my usual seasonal mood-crash, but my mental health is in a much different condition than previous years. With a fast-declining need for medication, I feel much more in control of this and all other elements of my existance. With the help of some amazing teachers, the support of friends and family, the discipline of my daily practice, and the boundless love of my wife, I am waking up in ways I never thought possible. The obvious health benefits of my practice do come with a few interesting side-effects though. Renewed insight into what is really happening in our world, both politically, economically, and spiritually, have stunned me at times, but I also seem to have some exciting new ways of dealing with all this "stuff".
I look around, and see my closest friends enjoying(?) their own awakenings too. The acceleration of critical awareness at this time is very exciting, although the price of this evolutionary jump remains high, as the governing elites panic as they fight to retain control!
The election of Mr. Obama was briefly heartening. I do doubt, however, if we will see any "change" in U.S. policy. I am sure the new president will fall in line as all before him did. In the UK, I think folks saw, in 2008, that party politics is now dead! It's must be obvious to all now, that we 'are ruled (held in slavery) by groups enforcing the same corporate policy.
I am glad that we've been given the opportunity to see the global Banking Scam as it really is. The near-collapse of our current economic model has done much to enlighten the general public, but I'm sure there are some timely distractions just around the corner, to keep a lot of us off the scent!

So, the "festive season" of 08/09 has passed quietly here. It was most agreeable on a personal level. I enjoyed a chilled few weeks, with great friends, and brilliant music, while all around the talk was of "the credit crunch", job-losses, and related despondency.

With the new calendar year, we're confronted with genocide in Gaza to add to the economic woes! Of course, there are several US/UK interests who are profitting massively from our latest war, so there must be a few households avoiding any recession by sponsoring death and destruction in the middle-east! Do NOT support this, I beg you! You have a choice!

So.... 2009 will certainly be an interesting year. More war, poverty, famine, and depression, as the christian/zionist west scrabbles to to retain the last shreds of a failed system. Something silent is still hovering in the background to all this. I still can't quite quantify it, but that feeling of something REALLY BIG about to occur, is surfacing in lots of "ordinary people", and its associated tension is becoming increasingly noticeable. I repeat that this is a very fascinating time to be alive!

PEACE, LOVE, UNITY, RESPECT!

-G!

0809...

2009-01-10T05:12:00.000-08:00

Aah... Absentee blogging seems to be the theme for my 2008!
A hundred of the usual excuses apply to my lack of activity here. It would be truly shameful, if it actually meant anything...!
Anyway, the latter half of 2008 was certainly fascinating. After the successes of our mid-summer musical mayhem, the CidFloss DJs went on to contribute to a charity event called Katika Fest. Mr. Hedges and I were really happy to support the selected cause, and were looking forward to a fun fund-raiser. Unfortunately, the event suffered badly from poor organisation, and we even witnessed the assault of two other booked DJs, by members of the organising team... Very Charitable! It seems that certain people on the organising committee had a plan to hijack the programme, alter the line-up through acts of violence, and turn a great day of elcectic sounds into their own sad little tuneless-techno party! It was nothing short of a disgrace!
We're fairly familiar with the instigators of this debacle, and thankfully, we're unlikely to ever work with this pathetic bunch again! Hopefully, they will confine their macho-bullsh*t, beer-fuelled garbage to their usual haunts, and leave all the great posi-vibe parties alone....!

Thankfully, we had our bi-annual pilgrimage to the Boom Festival in Portugal to look froward to in August. This trip is of the greatest importance to the CidFloss Team. It is a time to catch up with friends from all over the planet, and reside in our favourite TAZ for a week of wonderful music, film, talks, art, and sunshine! A few of our team were unable to attend this year (Bisto and El Campino), and their presence was sorely missed, but Dwarfy, Hedges, Derry, Rosie, and I had an amazing experience. Roll on Boom 2010 (?).............!

Autumn saw our usual hectic run-up to FrightNight 7. We had decided to make this seventh ray of light our last Halloween party at Hendre Hall, and we certainly went out with a bang. This year's FN was a huge double-header, with almost 1200 happy revellers coming along over the two nights. I would like to take this opportunity to thank some key contributors to the last FN...
Wonderful decor from Fiona, Amaze&Amuse, Psychometric Vision &Buttons... Astounding Psychedelic music from our special guests, Lorraine, Ash, Psionic Entity, and Astro Druid... and of course, many thanks to all the FrightNight contributors. It's been an amazing 7-year ride!
The FrightNight Collective remains intact (Dwarfy, Vashti, Stevie 'n' I will keep up the good work as the central committee), and we'll be promoting our unique vibes at various events throughout 2009.... More details very soon....

Midsummer....

2008-06-18T05:24:00.000-07:00

At this point in the year, I'd usually be reflecting on the wonderful Painted Chariot midsummer party, at which I enjoy a residency as a CDJ. I'm very pleased to report that the event was a success, providing an opportunity for PC members to express themselves beautifully, and raising some very much needed funds for the Red Cross Darfur Appeal.
I pass on this information without having attended the party this year, and I thank Ghostley Hedges, and Stevie 'n' Belinda Bear for passing on their reviews of the night in question.
It was very sad to miss this event. I've been a member of the PC team for several years, and I missed the gathering very much.
I was unable to take part due to simply not being well enough to attend. I've been deeply involved in developing my meditation practice over the last few months, and have been facing the real heart of my depression as part of this process. Whilst working through some very difficult issues, and my chronic pain, I found myself physically and emotionally exhausted, and experienced something of a relapse as I approached the weekend. I'm unable to elaborate further. Those of you who know me best will understand this, and I ask others to suspend judgement of my absence, if you can.
There were lots of folks I'd hoped to catch up with at Nant Gwynant. I will see you all there in September, if not before.

-G!

...

2008-05-27T07:05:00.000-07:00

I've just returned from a week on the Emerald Isle. I only get to see my family twice a year or so, and it was wonderful to spend a little time with them. The process of making the journey, however, proved to be very frustrating. It's been a while since I last noticed my intolerance to stupidity. Ridiculous queues at airports, incompetent officious staff, and fellow passengers who had nothing more than a total disregard for anyone else around them. All these egos, playing their own individual games. No "common sense", and no compassion to be found anywhere. No-one smiling.
Iwas glad to get back to my chosen pace of life, early last evening. Blessed relief from a social war-zone!
My time in "the Old Country" wasn't all good. I had intended to get some work done while I was there. Several false-starts, and heavy doses of self-doubt left me almost entirely unproductive for the whole week! I'm left in a similar position this afternoon. Creative dead-ends, little inspiration. The rest of the day will be devoted to some walking meditation, and catching up with friends.

Acceleration!

2008-05-13T05:38:00.000-07:00

So, several months drift by again, without a peep from me on this blog. Once again, I'm forced to apologise for the gap!
In most ways though, no news is good news! It's usually the case with me, but the reasons for my truancy are many.
I have been stupidly busy, writing, making noise, gathering with friends, and attending to my practice. The arrival of Spring to this sleepy corner of North Wales has brought a new enthusiasm for most of the folks here in Llanberis. The often-mentioned therapeutic value I place in Sunshine has been working some strange spells. I've been maximising my exposure (safely!), and reaping the benefits. The depressive influence of Welsh winter weather have finally gone.
The party season has begun. I enjoyed (albeit briefly!), the Celtic Gathering held near Dolwyddelan, but failedto catch up with some valued friends. I'll be keeping these encounters for a not-too-distant future event...!
And, one event in particular has had a huge positive effect on my condition........ namely the Bluebell BallyHoo. A wonderful party, beautifully organised by a cherished resident of our odd little idyll. It was another of those brilliant unspoked collaborations that punctuate my year. One of those gatherings that bloomed spontaneously in perfect synch with the advent of Spring. My thanks go out to Vera, Merlin, Kaim, Rachel, RedStripe, and all the other contributors, but especially to Conrad for the use of his amazingly-engineered dome, which served as the focul-point of our revellings!
The event has set a high standard for all the year's subsequent parties to live up to.

My diary is looking pretty full for the rest of the summer.

Aside from socialising, I have been lucky of late to have time to devote to my meditaion practice, and to quiet contemplation. I've spent long hours wandering in the woods. From where I'm sitting, I have a great view of the Allt-wen woods, across Llyn Padarn. Being out amongst the trees, at various times of day, and watching the leaves slowly forming that giant broccoli garden of a canopy, I've managed to advance my current thinking, and also begin to find some of that elusive inner peace that I so desperately seek.
Days devoid of clinging to the past and worrying about the future. Absorbed in the moment. Part of a true unifying Whole.
It's all feeling so much faster now. We're accelerating towards the zero-point. I have even seen the evidence for this in some of the folks that I thought were beyond the reaches of these transitional times. Some of the sleeping masses seem to be slowly waking up!

PLUR.

The Orange-Trees...

2008-02-20T03:40:00.000-08:00

Spontaneous moments of clarity have been few and far between for me, in recent times. But, in the last few days, I have been bombarded by them!
Each a moment of inspiration, fuelled by the Sun's rays, birdsong, the flow of a stream, and Truth in the air.
I have even been drawn back to the words of Soma Krishna. Some of the simplest ways to cement your relationship with your environment.

"Sit with your back pressed against the trunk of the mightiest tree you can find, and pull its strength into your spne with each breath. Lose awareness of where the tree trunk and your back become one. Thank the tree.
Rest an evergreen branch on the top of your head, and let its power pour into you as though to fill an empty vessel. The overflow bathes you in the green mist and you are renewed.
Hold a rock in your hand. Feel its texture, weight, and reconstruct its geological history. How old is it? Did it travel from deep within the earth, or from space as a meteorite, before it reached your hand? Become that rock.
Feed on the smell of fresh-cut grass, even the lawn, drawing the odour into your nose and mouth. Let it nourish body and spirit.
Taste the wind. What does it carry? Salt from the sea, perhaps? Or clean pine essence from the mountains, or parched desert air? Lick snow and rain from the wind's fingers.
Lie on the sun-warmed ground and share its gratitude as the generous rays kindle the soil's own latent life. Imagine that you are a seed. Watch yourself sprout and grow.
Listen to the ocean pound on the beach. Close your eyes, and let the intensity of the sound fill your head, then your whole body, until you vibrate with it. Try to hear beyond the ocean to the roar of the raw primal energy in the universe.
Watch the flow of a river. Throw your burden of worry and negative emotions to the passing water to carry it off. Breathe deeply to dislodge old crystallized tensions from around your heart, as the current sweeps away layer after layer of ancient woes on its way to the ocean.
Visualize the ocean waiting, neutralizing all, and converting it back into pure energy once more."

Now I remember!

PLUR.

The Thing of Shapes to come!

2008-02-06T19:44:00.000-08:00

Stoned conversations.... The usual subjects- the importance of the Psychedelic Experience, the acquisition of sacramental materials, the weather! But.... we've been chatting more and more about the practicalities of surviving, and maybe even thriving, in the years to come. Odd stuff, really. Paranoid glimpses into a world which demands new sacrifices, modified systems of communication, a return to simpler things, and greater self-sufficiency.
The wyrdest thing about this dialogue was the optimism. A strange thing to find amongst the (possible?...probable?) doom and destruction of our near-future. Although we began with a chuckle at a very possible economic disaster, we continued, with furrowed brows, to throw around the wildest survival plans. And all this with an odd impatience, and a firm insistance that such a crash was inevitable. Unburdened by financial responsibility, and resolutely refusing to bow to market pressures, we ploughed onward. In some ways, the deeper the crisis we percieved, the greater we were entertained. Soon, a utopian master-plan was assembled, amid the rising smoke from yet another well-filled bowl. A neat wee dream, tying together all our ideals- the off-grid commune of like-minded folk. The pre-invasion Pala for which we deeply yearn.
Silence finally fell upon us just before the dawn. At last, the herb had made us long for sleep. The dreaming would take new forms. Some not to be remembered.

PLUR.

2008-01-30T06:30:00.000-08:00

Well..... it amazes me how quickly events can unfold! After a massively emotional week for all concerned, the nastiness that invaded our wee village has almost entirely gone! Sure, the divisive folks are still resident here, but it seems that they've accepted an exit offer from the problem area, even if they are still trying to divert blame to the innocent. I don't really understand that particular kind of human being who cannot admit when they are wrong. I'm sure you've all met them. The clues are usually present in matters of trivia. A simple question will be raised, and an argument as to the colour of a dark-hued crow will ensue. There's some interesting reading to be had on the subject of so-called "Right Man Syndrome", if you can be bothered to seek it out. I hope that I retain the ability to hold my hand up, and admit my mistakes when I make them, learn from them, and move on. I've definitely had enough practice!
So, life in Llanberis is slowly returning to "normal". I expect that we'll hear a few tall tales, whilst sat in the bay-window of a certain local pub, but no-one will be concerned or surprised by them.
I admit that I'm relieved by the progress that has been made.
Away from all that unsavoury business, I've been keeping myself busy. Making noise, talking politics/religion with friends, and actually getting down to some writing, at last! Finally getting the Cidfloss website up and running, after last year's false-start/riot, seems to be in sight now too.

PLUR.

Irons in the fire....

2008-01-21T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's been a busy month, here in the village. A fair bit of conflict, but a lot of co-operation too. A very good friend of mine is putting a film together which highlights his depressive illness, and gives an insight into how such things work. He is, I think, incredibly brave to do this, and I am envious of his ability to disclose intimate details of his past, and his condition.
He asked me to help out with the project, partly because we've worked well together in the past, but also as the subject matter parallels some of my own experiences.
After reading his first set of notes, I identified with a lot of the material, and was quite comfortable with some of the thornier issues he wants to address. His condition is much more severe than mine. He has had some quite serious manic phases in the past, and these have included some very destructive behaviour, as well as bouts of self-harm. I'm very pleased to be able to relate to much of his experience, and hope that I can be of some practical use to the project.
In participating in the making of the film, I also hope that I might learn something more of my own condition too.
Work begins in a few days. I'll come back with a few progress reports later...

By way of contrast, there's been some odd political happenings darkening our doors of late. "Trouble in Paradise", as one friend put it.
It all centres around a few peoples' lust for power and control. The stuff of a day-time soap-opera really, but serious enough to worry a lot of folks here. Basically, our local BNP supporters (thankfully there's only are few!) hatched a plan to gain control over a prominent business venture. What came to light was a tale of corruption, bullying, and bigotry. Not exactly what you'd expect in a sleepy North Wales village. Lots of, for want of a better expression, Anti-Hippy sentiment! So sad!
Somehow, I think we "hippies" will win out! The view's lovely from the moral high ground, by the way!

....More later.

PLUR.

A new year and all that....

2008-01-12T07:14:00.000-08:00

So, we're into 2008!
As I've indicated before, there will be a few changes to the nature/style of my posts this year. I am so glad to see the back of '07. What a grim year! If it wasn't for a few vitally influencial factors, I may not have been here to type this!
Whoa! That sounds a bit over the top, eh?
Well, no! I actually managed to look seriously at taking steps to remove myself from this plane of existance on several occasions last year! I have, however, had some amazing support from my wife, family, and friends, and my clinical treatment has proven to be outstanding. My current condition seems so far away from the dark places I visited in the last 18 months or so, and my understanding of who I am, and what I do has increased beyond belief!
I'm getting to grips with whole "personal blog" thing now. It really is a difficult process. I tend to avoid all the social networking sites. I've read so much bullsh*t posted by folks I know very well, and find the whole ego-driven, self-promotion thing a little nauseating. By contrast, I'll be developing this wee blog, as a way to help get myself understood. For various reasons, I've failed to do this at crucial times in the past, and I am determined to correct this. I suppose this blog is just meant for my friends and collegues, but I'm hoping some more distant aquaintances might find it puts them straight about a few things, now that the mist has cleared!
In the course of the year, Hedges, Dwarfy and I will be adding to the Cidfloss blog at www.cidfloss.blogspot.com too. Again, we're still all about putting information out there in our own way, but we do recognise the need to put more effort in. There still seems to be some misunderstanding about who we are as a group, and what we are trying to achieve, so I'm sure you'll welcome further clarification. Look out for tongues in cheeks...........!
Anyway, after a strange festive season of helping relatives recover from surgery, dealing with general family-politics, and failing to catch up with old friends, I'm certainly ready to look forward to a happier new year.

PLUR.

2007, and all that....!

2007-12-20T03:29:00.000-08:00

2007! One of the best, AND, one of the worst years of the 38 or so of which I have a memory.
I have enjoyed the company of some wonderful people, heard the most amazing music I could imagine, and shared some truly enlightening experiences with those I love the most.
Finally seeking help with regard to my mental health this year, has made it possible for me to explain my unacceptable behaviour in the years before, without giving me any reason to excuse it. Large chunks of the jigsaw puzzle fell into place. I learned that there were physiological causes of some of my anger, my frustration, and above all, my sadness. An epiphany of sorts, I suppose.
I could spend most of 2008 apologising to lots of folks for my prevuious treatment of them. I am confident, however, that they might have already picked up on the fact that I may not have been entirely healthy at the time of my lack of reason and understanding.
Despite of improvements in my psychological condition, I'll still be ranting about the world's ills, in my usual anti-capitalist fashion. My overall philosophy is NOT a symptom of clinical depression, and most of you will be relieved that my personality still resides under the cosy blanket of medication!
So, all things considered, I'll be very glad to see the back of 2007. The highlights shone brilliantly and were invigorating, but were just brief moments on the planet's surface, which punctuated 12 months viewed from the darkness of a deep pit of despair.
With all my education, therapy, and treatment, I am working my way back to the sunlight. I hope to continue on this path.
As for the coming new year, I'll be taking further steps to recovery. You might even see it in my blog. I've reignited some long-forgotten projects, and renewed some old associations, and the tone of these little notes is sure to change. I may have touched on that point before, but it now seems certain.

So, I'm closing the book on 2007.

I wish you all a happy new year for 2008.

I'll return, refreshed, in January..........

PLUR.

Ahoy!

2007-12-03T07:13:00.000-08:00

Saturday 17th November saw some very lucky folks heading to a windswept "Walk the Plank" vessel, moored near Albert Dock in Liverpool, for the Karmic Rhythms Psy-Party. This event was a fund-raiser for the READ Int charity, and saw a great team of volunteers come together to launch what I hope will be a series of such gatherings to take place over the next few years!

It was wonderful to be involved in this event! Mr. Hedges and I were there to provide sounds for the chillout room. We had a ball spinnin' some tunes to a sparsely populated, and very cold room, and along with the now legendary Astrodruid, we bravely kept the noise going for the shivering souls who ventured to the top deck of the boat to take a break from the awesome dancefloor scene that was rockin' away downstairs!

I was overwhelmed by the quality of the music in both rooms! Absolutely top stuff from all the DJs and live artists, and I need to thank all those involved in the party, from the bottom of my heart! Well done to my good friend Lee for his organization, and vision!

I'll try to give you all a heads-up for the next Karmic Rhythms event. Great entertainment, for a cwl cause!

Samhain and Beyond!

2007-11-12T05:56:00.000-08:00

OK! Firstly.......... Apologies for the disgraceful gap since my last post here. I've been stupidly busy. Too many fingers in too many pies, as usual!
Our Samhain party, FrightNight went really well, on 27th October. 600 aliens tuning in to a vibe that only FN can provide!
Working with my good friends on this project is one of my greatest sessions of therapy, and always leaves me with a restored faith in Human Nature. The core team of Stevie, Vashti, Dwarfy and I have been putting on this event for six years now, and we seem to operate on an almost telepathic basis now. Not much need for continuous communication in the physical sense, just four like-minds in perfect sync. An over-riding common goal that is automatically switched on as we approach Halloween each year. My connection with these people will last forever!
On the night, I was, in some ways, confined to the Psychedelic Room, and I only caught short moments of the madness of the Main Hall. However, my appetite for life-affirming music was fully satisfied. Dwarfy LunarBaby, Ghostley Hedges, and our good friend Henrik fed my mind with some amazing sounds. Once again, I'm in their debt...!
It was wonderful to be working with my old friend El Campino again. He made a very welcome return as our VJ, after a long break from the scene. He is an invaluable friend, and a true Star!
As to the 40+ other members of the FrightNight crew...... I offer them my sincerest of thanks, and guide them to look to FN7, in 2008!
I will endeavour to post some photos from the event, along with some useful links, as soon as I get into an suitable state of mind.

PLUR.

Sleep...

2007-09-24T05:02:00.000-07:00

Ok. Sleep rules! Just got through a nasty period of insomnia. It was keeping my mind focused on those automatic negative thoughts that I'm trying so hard to fight. breaking free to some peaceful slumber has been wonderful! Keeping physically busy has helped a lot. Been out playing and listening to some great music over the last few weeks, and chucking a shed-load of equipment around too. The Painted Chariot Autumn Equinox event has been a definite highlight. We were drastically short-staffed, the live act cancelled at the last minute, and there were a few moments of panic, but when you get a great little team into action with such a cool common goal, anything can be rescued. The night went really well, and we made another good contribution to the Red Cross Darfur Appeal.

I'll be concentrating on our Halloween party for the next month or so. Another great team-effort. More details soon....

PLUR.

Busy...

2007-09-01T06:05:00.000-07:00

Now that we've stumbled past the August bank-holiday weekend, and staggered into September, it's a quiet hope for an Indian summer that's occupying minds.
I had the pleasure of helping a good friend celebrate his 31st birthday last night, and it was a wonderful party! Lots of smiling faces on folks in varying degrees of intoxication, vibrant conversation (not JUST about the weather either!), cool sounds, and no stupid ego-games! A great way to welcome this busy month.
Despite the ongoing issues that haunt me, I'm actually enjoying being busy (This is where you briefly yawn!)!
September holds a handful of gigs for both the CidFloss Corporation, and RedStripe, and our annual Halloween party-preparation is also in full swing now!
So, I'm hoping that will result in more positive posts here. I bet you're all relieved to hear that...!

PLUR

"...big ball..."

2007-08-31T04:27:00.000-07:00

Well, a big ball of light has appeared in the sky, a few times, since my last visit here. I continue to be astounded by it's therapeutic value! I've been grabbing as much sunshine as possible, and it's been wonderful!
Of course, reading through my previous posts, there is a direct connection between the weather and my mood. I wish the entire story was that simple!
Anyway, I'm restricted to up's and downs which are much less extreme than in the recent past. I'm grateful for that.
When I look back on this summer, probably on a rainy November Tuesday, I WILL be taken back to a world of great music, and great friends. The downs are all fading away.....slowly.

PLUR

Where...?

2007-08-12T00:38:00.000-07:00

Where is the summer?
In the year when I REALLY need some sunshine, the rains continue! I'm surprised the whole population isn't depressed (...Hold on! Maybe it is!)
Anyway, I must apologise for the lack of posts on this blog. I've been occupied with interesting work, frustrating people, the funeral of a friend, and the general maintenance of my mood.
All of the above have helped (?) to keep my paranoia levels up. The same humans that have had an affect on these symptoms in the past, still seem to have a hand in my condition now. A lot of this is actually born out of my concern for their welfare, but I am saddened to report that a few folks seem to have really taken a dislike to me. Distance is my current treatment. I really don't know how people can be bothered to put in considerable effort to alienate someone who is actually their ally. I suppose I'm over-sensitive to this stuff right now, but it's all too obvious to ignore.
So... I hope to be back soon, with something a little brighter to report (and not just the weather!).

PLUR

Steps...!

2007-06-29T04:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not prepared to define it as optimism, but I now have a feeling that I've taken a series of small steps in the right direction.

Some of you might giggle at the irony of the Sandoz label on my medication. It seems to be finally taking effect. Small elevations in my mood. Glimpses of another life. I have no idea how long I will be taking it, but I've been in contact with others who have had success with this compound. Predominently positive stories. I think I'm gaining a little confidence. I have also had my first visit to the local community mental health team. I know it will be difficult to deal with the forthcoming programme, but it IS another step...!

I am writing this after having a landmark weekend. The Cidfloss Corporation were contributing to the Painted Chariot event, here in North Wales, raising much-needed funds for the Red Cross Darfur Appeal. Just attending the event was a difficult prospect for me, and playing some music was a major challenge. I am delighted that it all went well, and the sounds proved to be extremely therapeutic!

I am in debt to Dwarfy & Hedges for their support, and I'm very thankful to all the other musicians/DJs who played, and all the wonderful folks who worked hard to make the party a success. I eagerly anticipate the next one! That's a very important step, as I'm still taking one day at a time. For the first time in quite a while, I'm enjoying having something to look forward to!

PLUR

Ups 'n' Downs...

2007-06-02T02:15:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned here before, I am gradually coming to grips with my ups 'n' downs.
Recent events have certainly gone a long way to helping me understand my own mind, and some stark truths have surfaced.
After conversations with some of the most important and influential human beings in my life, and a lot of introspection, I've come to admit that I've been struggling with depression for , as far as I can determine, some twenty years!
I've always put it down to the symptoms of being truly awake, in current times, and was too quick to blame external sources for my periodic misery. It seems that I have never considered a clinical condition to be at the heart of this problem, or at the very least, to be a major contributor to it.
I recall one particular clue. A distant memory. An incident that occured in the mid-80's, only to be retrieved in recent days. I won't (can't) bore you with the details of it, but it was a brief outpouring of emotion that shocked my parents at the time. I'm sure they could not recall it now without prompting.
I had shown fear for the future.
I remember it with chilling detail. The setting, the frustration, anger, and despair in my words. The expression on my mother's face.
So, a quarter of a century later, I finally understand the message contained it that, and countless other clues. I am now seeking appropriate help.
I can't see too far ahead as yet, but this process has just started, so I'll cling to a vague hope, as HST would have said, that someone (or someTHING) is tending the light at the end of the tunnel.
At least, now, I'm walking in the right direction.

"Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content. The quiet mind is richer than a crown."

FrightNight @ Essence...!

2007-05-29T04:01:00.000-07:00

FrightNight @ Essence, Hendre Hall... Saturday 26th May 2007.

A great little night of bouncy fun, with wonderful contributions by Ghostley Hedges, MC Bel, and Stevie G. The back room at Hendre has NEVER looked so good, thanks to the work of Buttons & Tracey organising some amazing decor!

I thoroughly enjoyed playing some Psytrance to the friendly audience, many of whom hadn't been exposed to any contemporary psychedelic music before. Lots of familiar faces too though, so the vibe was established early on, with Hedges spinning some top dubby goodness...!

Thanks to the many friends, old and new, who made it a lovely evening!

Everybody hates Goodbyes!

2007-05-20T01:28:00.000-07:00

With two of my best friends heading across the Atlantic this week, I've been falling on memories of their good company.

I will, of course, see them both again. We are connected in inexplicable ways, forged over many years, and there will always be the strange days when we are reunited.

So, friendship has been my pre-occupation for a few days. My circle of friends has really only been in existence for 15 years or so. No schoool-buddies remain. No college colleagues. No work-mates. We all went very separate ways.

But the friendships started since the early 90's have been entirely different in nature. Somehow.

True gifts.

But for a few cultural references, and one major shift in consciousness, it's as if the 70's and 80's never happened!

Life-Phases, fading away...

So, i waited decades to acquire my wealth, and there it is! The beauty of the people with whom I share space.

Sounds!

2007-05-14T05:24:00.000-07:00

I've been fortunate enough to be able to devote some more time to production lately. Work is progressing with the Cidfloss sound, with a few arrangements being pared back to make room for a vocal, and Ghostley Hedges has been lending a critical ear and bringing a few fresh techniques to bear. Despite the individual directions taken by the three CfC Djs, we seem to have a common goal with regard to our original material.
We are looking closely at our overall direction, and a distinct sound-set is emerging. It's all a far cry from the likes of "Level Two", back in 2002. In fact, the few of you who are holding copies of THAT recording would do well to discard it altogether!
We still don't have any distributions plans, but we'd like to have some CDs (with original artwork) ready to give away by the end of the summer. Although, this takes second place to getting the tunes heard live, in a suitable room.
More details soon...

Escape & Evasion!

2007-04-16T01:45:00.000-07:00

It's the simple things that serve to liberate us.

Great company, good music, group-consciousness...!

It's wonderful to be "up 'n' around" again, and able to enjoy some top sounds. in the company of friends. System7 @ Hendre Hall, 6th May. A lovely vibe throughout. It was also cwl to NOT be working. It's been a long time since I was part of a crowd at an event like this. Such a situation doesn't happen nearly enough for my liking. I'd forgotten what it's like to go OUT to RELAX!

Mmmm... that looks even wyrder in writing than it did in my head...!

ZONES!

2007-04-14T10:57:00.000-07:00

I've just re-read Hakim Bey's inspirational Essay "TAZ". It has brought back memories of magickal summer festivals, and spontaneous tribal gatherings. But I was also reminded about how a Temporary Autonomous Zone can be a state of mind, as well as an event in space/time.

I've been riding this train of thought for a couple of days. Last stop on the trip, is to secure the status of PAZ for my state of mind. Permanent Freedom. Permanent Inner-Peace. Quite a destination, and maybe NOT as far away as it seems, or for that matter, as difficult.

But it's one step at a time, right?

For the moment, my Inner TAZ develops, even when it's dormant. Increasing in complexity all the time. Ready for activation at a moment's notice. No need for it ever to be fully disclosed. No-one else has the correct password anyway. Just as I am not permitted access to anyone else's psychic paradise.

So, I guess a quiet wee revolution has begun...

"The TAZ is 'utopian' in the sense that it envisions an intensification of everyday life, or as the Surrealists might have said, life's penetration by the Marvelous." -Hakim Bey.

Finally...

2007-04-14T08:39:00.000-07:00

Progress.

Spring has brought with it a step or two in a positive direction. A little sunshine, good company, great music...!

I'm back on the "O-Team" again!

Finally got to the bottom of my psychological woes. The test has been a broken promise here, a disappointment there, a sprinkling of hypocracy. It's all tried to get me down, but my new techniques are paying off, and I remain... HAPPY....!

I'm feelin' kinda smug about this. There have been recent events that would've had me totally enraged, but I'm seeing things in a very different way now. "Seeing things".... Mmmm...

... Anyway, no more repeating mistakes. No more unrealistic expectations. More Temporary Autonomous Zones...

...More about TAZs soon....

Pain...

2007-04-06T01:32:00.000-07:00

What a week...!
A torn muscle has given me some serious back-pain this week! Just as the Spring arrives, and my thoughts move to walking in the hills, I get confined to my home, with little comfort in sight for quite a while.
Moments of relief come through lying flat on the floor, and employing a suitable herbal remedy, but moving around is a pretty grim experience. I'm playing a waiting game...!
Determined to make the best of my current position, I have been catching up on some reading, and generally turning my thoughts to distracting subjects, with limited success though...

So, it's onwards with painkiller cocktails, and intoxicating vapours!

RedStripe!

2007-03-30T08:00:00.000-07:00

RedStripe were dubbin' it up in great style on Wednesday! It's inspiring to be a part of it!
A cwl and grwvi vibe. A wee slice of caribbean magick on the North Wales coast. Real Smiles!
The true power of reggae is filtering into the Cidfloss soundset too. The deep throb of the Digi-Dub of years gone by, returning, and making us yearn for that Mid-summer Sunrise...

... Not long now...

Clwb Diablo!

2007-03-21T08:02:00.000-07:00

Well, in an attempt to stop midweek boredom from becoming the norm, FrightNight Promotions will be hosting Clwb Diablo, at Hendre Hall, Tal y Bont, nr Bangor (A55, J12) on Wednesday 4th April 2007, and then fortnightly.
I'll post details of each event as soon as I get full confirmation.
The first night will feature some top tunage from The Demonizer, Dwarfy LunarBaby, Beelzebub, and myself. A set from the Cidfloss Corporation's Ghostley Hedges may also be included, but is yet to be confirmed.
You can expect a wide variety of musical styles from Digi-Dub to PsyTrance, and a cwl, friendly vibe! Dust off those dancin' boots...!

check out further details at...

www.myspace.com/clwbdiablo

Lunar Eclipse...!

2007-03-04T02:47:00.000-08:00

Last night, the residents of Castle Jist (and the ever-present Aah Bisto) braved the cold to watch the Lunar eclipse.
Clear skies over Psnowdonia greeted us, star-filled.
An amazing night to gaze to the heavens, even without the eclipse. Although the main event did not disappoint.
Stunned silence, applied sacraments, and cold-numbed hands...

Magickal!

The JistBlog begins...!

2007-02-23T13:37:00.000-08:00

Well, at last... the JistBlog!
A moment of severe boredom reached out, took hold of me, and cured my BloggaPhobia with a single dose of it's magick potion.... or was it the fungi....?
Those who know me will be instantly confused, but certainly NOT surprised, and those who don't, just won't care(and frankly, neither will I!)!!!

So.... Between bouts of work, play and sleep, I'll endeavour to keep you informed. I'll be doing my best to include Honesty as one of my ingredients, but this'll be a fickle brew, rich in opinion, and sarcasm, with a generous sprinkling of paranoia on top...
...Arse! Where did the food connection creep in? Must be hungry...!
Anyway, mistakes will be made too.....!
I beg your forgiveness in advance!

Back Soon....

L&P,

C. Jist